What products and methods should I use on my blonde, fragile, abormally frizzy, curly hair?

My hair is not normal. I have what is affectionately referred to as a "Jew 'fro". But it's much frizzier and tighter curled, than the average Jewish curly mane. It's this uncontrollable, erratic, frizzy Z curl that I can do nothing with! It's extremely course. It feels like fibergl. Constantly tangles! (My hair is long. Short becomes an afro.) I always use either moisturizing or anti-frizz shampoos and conditioners and leave-in conditioners and anti-frizz treatments and they don't help. I also don't wash my hair every day as that would be too drying. I'm at a loss. My hair is also very fragile and breaks constantly, even with a wide toothed comb. And tons of my hair comes out in the shower. It's aweful! Because I am blonde, I have no melanin to give added strength. They never know what to do with my hair at salons as they aren't used to dealing with my hair type. Any advice on what I can do or use? And how can I keep it detangled daily, without having to wash it daily?