Opinions on the start of my story?

The writing is better than good but - there's always a but isn't there? The "I'm Ally" introduction is not a good idea here because it reduces the amount of scope you have. I was also lost when you said; "The school bell rang to signal the end of school etc" as I were not aware they were actually at school. Also; "Mrs M repeated her crude statement yet again etc" what crude statement? I don't remember reading one. Finally where on earth were they going that "the blighters have already stolen our spot." When a different person speaks it is better to write that on a separate line. As I have already said - this is a good piece of writing but make sure the reader knows where you are going otherwise you will only cause confusion. Good luck with your story and well done with the writing style it is very readable.